Have you ever been to a party you weren’t invited to? College is a lot like that for me. These people of all shapes and sizes gather together, and even on a busy dance floor, I feel exiled. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong here. I’m in 3 inch heels and a little black dress. Who am I kidding? These things aren’t me. I’d rather be in my converses rocking out to Muse. So why did I come here? Why do I wish so much to be one of them? Why don’t I belong?

Girls are kissing boys and strobe lights hit the walls at every direction. Six billion people on this earth, and I’m still lonely. Its times like now I miss my old friends – laughing at porn, scouting the malls, eating out at restaurants together. Those were the moments I felt most complete. I don’t get that feeling anymore. Not here. Not at college. And if college is meant to be the best years of my life, I’m dreading what the future has in store for me next.

What happens to people at college? It seems as if everyone gets so opaque. Our eyes are all so empty. And yet, we’re all able to laugh at ourselves. We know we’re young and stupid, but that doesn’t stop us from becoming transparent. I never could break out of the shell that kept me from being one of those happy girls, but I suppose that’s what alcohol is for… for people like me who can never get their teeth to stay white; for people who are constantly tripping over their own feet; for people who take one bite of unhealthy food and look as if they gained 10 lbs.

The whole world is throwing a party, and I’m trying to fall asleep.